Bothered by problems..

"It never rains but it pours".. I guess dat is the best proverb 2 describe the situation I'm having now.. So many things dat hav change just in the blink of an eye.. Problems seems 2 be following up one by one.. It just happens as if like there is no full stop 4 it.. One of the major concern is on my friendship which I treasured the most b4 and also now.. As days passed by, I slowly realise how insignificant am I in my friends eyes who I really treated as my closest friends.. So many sweet memories I had 2gether wif them last year.. It is so memorable and unforgetable.. U all hav taught me a lots of things and make me feel myself worth.. Some even accompanied and helped me pass through the darkest hours I had went through.. I really appreciated it a lot.. But recently,I just realise dat actually I'm just like others passer by who pass through their life, who sumtimes bring laughter 2 them bcos of my silly actions.. All this while, I'm the only one who thinks how great our friendship is and how strong our fraternity is.. But dat is far from reality.. It is so gud 2 be true.. It can be said dat all this is like I'm making a joke and laugh myself.. Instead of telling me how close we r, why nt just calm urself down and ask urself, "in wad way and why u said so?".. "Is it really as true as u said?" I guess the ans will be a no.. All the things dat u all said and did is right and wadever I do is always wrong.. Why I said so? Of course I hav my own reason 4 dat.. Just think twice next time b4 u tell me 2 do sumthing or ask me nt 2 do sumthing.. If u were in my shoes, will u be doing the same thing also? Will u be considered as disturbing others too? 4 sure the ans will be no bcos is u r the one who do it.. I'm nt blaming u or nt satisfied wif u, just dat why when other guy did the same thing why it's nt considered as disturbing leh? 1st of all, I shouldnt be trigger or care 4 wad u said at all.. Why must I listen 2 u? As long as wad I did is nt wrong or let myself down.. That's it!! No matter wad u say I'm nt going 2 give a damn!.. I live 4 myself.. Nt 4 u, nt 4 others too.. I'm nt a weakling u noe.. I cant deny, other guy r much better than me in many ways, but I am who I am.. Why must compare me wif others? If u think dat the other guy is much better than me and worth 4 ur respect instead of me, go on!.. U like him, admired him, looked up on him or even crazy bout him, that's ur prob!.. No matter how perfect or how god he is, it's none of my business! I'm nt going 2 care even u're going 2 be affected by wad I said.... Cos I noe in the end, I'm still gonna be alone.. I'm nt going 2 let others and myself 2 ruin my life.. Perhaps now and apparently I'm really a loser and as pathetic as u think.. But soon I'm going 2 prove dat I'm no longer the naive and useless person.. Dat is wad u all expect after all isn't it? Those who cold-shouldered u some of the times and care less bout u seems 2 earn ur respect so much and those who treat u gud and 24 hours available 4 u seems 2 be so insignificant and dun deserve a better treatment.. Really heartbreaking u noe, as day by day I hav 2 figure out how significant am I 2 u all and wad must I do 2 improve myself better so dat I'll earn ur respect like any other guy.. Maybe it's my stupidity 2 think like dat but I did bcos I care.. Haix.. I guess tell also u wont understand.. Just hope dat next time b4 u ask me 2 do anything, put urself in my shoes 1st..
I'm really sorry if I had offended any parties by writing all this.. I'm nt angry or anything.. Just 4 time being I'm really being bothered by all this thinking and all things dat had happened..